Disclaimer: I don't own Shou and this is all fiction. We are not sure whether his real name is Shou or Kohara Kazamasa.
Summary: I do not know myself most of the time.
Notes: A birthday fic for Shou.
It was quarter to 2 PM in the afternoon and a cool breeze gently danced in his cheeks. It was already a Saturday and he had slept at 4 AM just a little while ago. Since he didn't have school that day or his stressing part-time job, he decided to just write out his feelings in to poems and that resulted to his ungodly hour of sleeping time.
Shou knew better not to sleep past 10 PM, says his mom, but now he lives alone in the busy area of 20th century Tokyo. How could he not notice the distractions, technology, women and gaming that has clouded his vision of education? With a sigh, Shou lazily got out of bed and whispered a habitual Good morning to himself, turning on the television and rubbing his eyes in the process. He caught a glimpse of a beautiful acoustic guitar while browsing through the channels, and went back to see that it was even more expensive than his tuition fees.
One day, I am going to get that for myself.
All his life he felt alone and abandoned. Sure, he had a family that loves him and gives him allowance, clothes, food and shelter. But does those four mean anything to his impossibly confused heart? He feels like he's always missing something, something that he yearns for so much, something that he doesn't know yet.
He is sick of living without a subtitle. A subtitle that would describe and give meaning to his name. Kohara Kazamasa, Shou, then what comes after that? He has thought of many things, even though it would look so small in the eyes of others, but in his mind he thinks of his life as an unending book, which he gets to write himself every passing day.
What is my purpose?
With all that thinking, he was able to get his things fixed for the new day. Shou will go out and buy some food for lunch and the new figurines of his favorite anime. Counting his money, he tucked it to the bottom most part of his breast pocket and went out to do his errands. On the way to the train station, he accidentally tripped face flat to the floor and the pain came later oh so terribly. He stood up and saw that he had now a huge wound on his forehead, signaling his stupidity, and blood trickled down to the arc of his nose.
A few people stopped and asked if he was alright, given his shocked expression, and he waved it off saying he was okay. But the truth is that he was breaking in to pieces slowly, everyday becoming a hindrance, everyday becoming a new day for him to be exposed to life threatening situations like this. What if he hit his head harder and never woke up? Does that mean that he'll go to eternal punishment for the crap he has been through all these years of his stupid life?
I have never done anything right.
He sighed in relief and forced a smile, seeing couple of school girls and a group of boys looking at him in pity. The others were murmuring, What a pretty face he has, too bad he's clumsy, now it is ruined. And How stupid of him--! Anyone who is not blind would see that there was a huge crack on the ground. He pulled out a facial towel from his leather body bag and gently wiped off the blood smeared on his face, kicking himself for showing such a vulnerable side of him in a public place.
Turning around, Shou was startled to see that he was in front of an instrument shop, and a drum set and a beautiful acoustic guitar was displayed in the very front. The glass was now separating him from his dreams; it was the same guitar he saw a while ago, staring at him temptingly in an attempt for him to immensely feel bad for himself of being poor and meek. Shou looked down at his feet and sighed in defeat because he knew that he just couldn't afford such a beauty as that, It would only get dirtied by his dirty hands.
"You like it, don't you?" A voice behind him said sarcastically, and Shou turned around again to see a 40-ish looking woman wearing a summer dress. He nodded and blinked against the bright yellow of the sequins on her clothing.
"I don't blame you. I want another one as well. But I know you want it more than I'll ever do."
Shou only got to say a dumb Uhhhmm... in response. Another one..? The woman smirked and handed him a piece of green paper, obviously for advertising reasons, and he looked down to see that she was a talent manager. Shou shook in his place and looked at her again, then at the paper, and then at her once more. She simply pointed to the address in the sheet and waved him goodbye...for the time being. He blankly stared as the woman disappeared amongst the Saturday crowd, the waving of her dress and the vivid colors enough for Shou to remember her presence in his mind.
Shou concluded that it was probably another scam that people would just creep on you and tell you that you're handsome and a useful material for the showbiz industry. He's sick of getting papers like this, sick of seeing women or men acting professional and claiming that they would make him popular and rich, as if life is like that? You need to work hard for your food and rent, and not just depend on other people who thinks they know everything about you and will propose your future that carelessly at your face!
But all is too late...he decided to go to the address almost immediately anyway. His feet took them there and he really doesn't see the sense out of all these. Tomorrow, he'll just wake up like he did a while ago, and this would all be just a part of his memory. Just a part of his memory, so that's the only reason why he's doing this.
The same woman greeted him outside of the building and acted as if she was surprised; honestly, she knew that Shou would come anyway. "Follow me." She said.
"But where are we going? Who are you?" He quietly inquired, raising his eyebrows to the beautiful and fancy marbled walls and floors that has graced his view. The woman simply shook her head and faced him and replied, "You will see."
As they walked towards a room full of musical instruments, Shou couldn't help but shiver in inferiority to this woman. She seems like she owns everything of this; he could see from his field of vision the several drum sets, basses lined up and violins hanged above the wall. Not to mention different kinds of guitars just lying on the floor of the colors electric blue up to burning red, sparkling their skins against the yellow-dimmed light. Shou marveled at the beauty and a smile graced his lips.
"Tell me, why did you trip a while ago?" She started speaking again, pulling two wooden stools for the both of them to sit down. Shou looked at her pathetically with a blush and replied with a soft chuckle, "I didn't see the crack."
She laughed and spank his thigh, "Wow, that's a reason!" Shou then forced a laugh as well, digging in his confused mind what to tell to her now. Like, what is this? What is he doing here anyway? Who is this woman? He was still keeping his hand over his head, applying pressure to the wound, when the latter grabbed his hand and played with them to grab his attention.
"I see something in you that yearns for change...and it makes me sad that you feel like everything is against you."
Shou's eyes widen and then went small again in attempt to contain his embarrassment, gulping in the process. "No..."
"My name is Rami, by the way. When I saw you, I felt so sad. Why do you carry all of those useless things along with you? When you know you can walk with a light body and forget the not-needed things?"
"Uhh, this? I..." He removed his bag an dropped it on the floor, but Rami spank him again and shouted, "No! Not the bag. I meant your burdens that you carry in your heart."
Burdens..? Shou remained silent and leaned against the wall behind him. It was cold because of the cold air that the air conditioner was giving off. She smiled and ordered, "Wait for me here." At that, she stood up and ran towards the back of the room, clanking noises and metal pieces clashing with each other made Shou wonder what she was doing. At that moment, Shou took a good look at himself in the huge wall mirror in front of him that was glued to the wall. He looked at himself in disgust that he not only thinks of himself as trash and useless, but because he has caught attention from a woman who seems to understand what he's going through.
All of this time, was I the idiot for thinking that I was an idiot..?
Rami came out and behold she was holding a black guitar case, it seemed heavy, but she made it back to Shou and carefully gave it to him with a smile. "I said I wanted another one. This guitar holds my wishes of you finding a new you. Start by playing a piece close to your heart, and just think of the endless possibilities."
When Shou got to hold the body of the item, it dawned on him that it was the guitar he longed so much to buy but can't, and he just stared at Rami in gratitude and happiness that his eyes were already teary. She stood up and patted his back and the top of his wound, "You will see that when you're happy and satisfied, there wouldn't even be a scar."
She left Shou just startled as hell there, holding the guitar close to him, the other instruments slowly fading in the darkness as a new light took over his heart. Someone like her, a complete stranger, saw through his heart and gave him a reason to continue to live, and here he sits dumbfounded that his dreams have come true.
Weeks have passed and Shou lazily stood up from his apartment bed and to get ready for another Saturday. He has still saved the money he hasn't got to spend weeks ago and smiles as he remembers that certain afternoon. Across the room he has renovated by himself, the wallpaper walls with musical notes and a nail supporting a lovely acoustic guitar by a thick string, Shou thought it was beautiful and leaved it that way. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and thought it was beautiful and leaved it that way.
He went out of the door and took a last glance at his room and thought it was beautiful and leaved it that way.
The busy sidewalks of Tokyo got filled with hurried people yet again, staring at shops, running towards the train station. But Shou took his time to just take it all in, and he looked above the sky and thought it was so beautiful, he left it that way.
Shou, with a giggle put his hand on top of his smooth forehead and continued to walk towards the grocery store. Ah, a subtitle?
You will see that when you're happy and satisfied, there wouldn't even be a scar.
I hope you enjoyed this. I also hope that the feelings of Shou here got to you and please forgive me for errors; I'm doing this before class starts. XD Please leave a comment if you have liked and any thoughts. <3
Happy birthday, dear Shou. ♥